(day seventeen) wrappin up the crap

You ever have one of those crap days that you can't really explain but everything just seems to fall apart in front of your eyes? Yea? Well, today was one of those. I was constantly aware of my flesh... all day long. Even now as I write, I look forward to seeing the sun and promise of a new day tomorrow. No matter how bad it gets, we always have that hope... right? I say that I was fully aware of my flesh because I definitely was NOT acting out of my spirit. And then I just got mad that I don't have any more composure, patience, or gentleness than what I'm revealing to the world in that moment. I wanted to crawl in a hole. Mostly so I could have my own little pity party with a chocolate cake and everything. But also so no one could see me like this. I was ashamed in my irrational behavior rather than choosing to change my response. And I guess I want the world to have this perfect little pollyanna picture of me, when i'm really just a girl who falls a lot but recognizes her endless need for a savior.

That's what this whole "90 day" thing is about anyway... seeking to honor and respect God by being a good steward of what He's given us. That's love, not law. I definitely think law has it's place, but if there is not love there is only legalism and a strive for perfection or feeling of failure. Our Dad loves us more than a set of rules and He eagerly scans the world looking for those who love Him the same. He's a good dad. I believe He's ok with watching us figure things out and realizing our need for Him rather than just robotically going through a motion with no heart behind it. (Sidenote: But God is God and even though sometimes we may not feel it, He still deserves our praise, glory and honor!!! Bc no matter what we say/think, He is who He says He is.) This love for us is very REAL whether we've had a true love encounter or not. We can stand at a distance and ask "why?" all day long, but the way to hear His whisper is to get to know His heart. Walking in His direction is a good start. When we do, we stop asking and just know... we are exactly where we are supposed to be: in His presence. In that place beautiful things will be revealed, ugly things exposed, dirty parts cleansed, and hearts made WHOLE.

We become "effective" in the world as christians not just by what we say rather who we are. If we know WHOSE we are and are caught up in that romance, it will naturally flow outward and many lives will be impacted in an amazing way!!!

I had such a great convo with a friend tonight about His new revelation. This guy travels all over the world with christian artists and is pretty much their right hand man. Today he began seeing the connection. His eyes were opened to the significance of taking God's word seriously when it calls us to honor and love Him with our mind, body, soul and spirit. That to honor Him means to love what He loves... and to take proper care of it. He started seeing that this means His body (temple) and treating it well, taking care of the earth around Him, and all of the people God places in His life. He now is seeing the importance of having a healthy lifestyle and wholeness.

It's not too late for any of us. Matters not our current physical condition, age, or feelings of hopelessness.... It's our response in this moment that matters. All of life God is pursuing each of our hearts relentlessly... our response is our worship to Him. So, even though I've had a crap day...and acted terribly... God still cares, wants to cleanse me... and make me whole again. It's time to WRAP UP THE CRAP and chunk it. (This is the only thing, other than styrofoam, that can't be recycled. Haha.)

B90: (Joshua 6:20- 18:28) I mean... if we think age and such really matters then check out Chapter 13 vs 1 again. This cracks me up every time I read it... "Now Joshua was old and advanced in years, and the Lord said to him, "you are old and advanced in years, and there remains yet very much land to possess." Took the words right out of his mouth. Ha. My grandparents version would prob go somethin like this... "welp, your not gettin any younger, whatcha waitin for???"

Another one of my fav's in this section is when Caleb is speaking in Chapter 14 vs 11 about His health and strength even at 85- and he certainly has bragging rights if anyone does. And I loved when Joshua blessed him and gave him his inheritance because Caleb WHOLLY followed the Lord. (14:14) I think it's a neat picture of God's desire for our lives and the blessing that comes from loving and honoring Him and caring for what He loves in this world.

p90 and nutrition: Ok, so because of the crap day i decided to slack on my workout and eat a brownie. Hmmmm.... Ok, if i don't overdue it, but i think i was emotionally eating- not so good. Alright, I look forward to a new day tomorrow with new mercies... again! haha.

A little somthin extra: Humor of God 101... As I'm writing and re-reading this blog i'm listening to some music in the background. As I'm typing "it's not too late"... my friend Steph is singing those exact words. And then as i'm reading "when everything just seems to fall apart" I hear Phil Wickham saying the exact same words at the same time. Oh God, you are so funny.