I'm not gonna lie, today has certainly been a battle. It started with staying up till the wee hours of the morning writing a blog I may never post. I've felt an anxiousness I haven't felt in a long time and I'm not sure why. Earthly matters don't seem to have a troublesome effect on me anymore... but when I feel as though the enemy is truly out to get me, a girl can get a little overwhelmed you know? As hard as it is for me right now, i know that THIS is exactly what I'm supposed to write about.
Have you ever felt anxious, afraid, alone? I mean... like when all distractions of this world are removed, when you have nothing else to set your mind at ease. The moment when there is absolutely nothing YOU can DO. When all is still and completely quiet around you... do you FEEL God? ( I am beginning to sense the breakthrough for me even as I write...)
For years I was afraid to even tread to these deep waters at the thought of drowning, so I kept my floaties on and simply ignored the beckoning of my creator to explore the depths of my soul and the great mystery of His love. If you really think about the ocean, it's a little bit frightening. There is so much we don't know, but we do know that it has the potential of swallowing us up... this fear paralyzes us. So... instead of facing this deep calling we stay where it's safe. "As long as my toes can still touch bottom and I can see through the water clearly," we stubbornly yet justifiably protest!
Love, encouragement, proper education, family vacations, bible stories, comfortable worship, and mission trips were weaved throughout my childhood. My future began to be shaped by a culture who decided what they thought was best for me because it did not challenge the open sea. "You are welcome to be a this or a that, but make sure you fit in with the rest," they all projected. As soon as all of the securities, insurances, and invisible walls were built... I didn't even realize something greater existed.
Over time I became hungry for more. When this happens we have a choice. Do we follow the crowd and be satisfied with the food they are feeding us, or do we search for more? Do we seek out the Creator of it ALL in the depths of the ocean so many of us forget exists... for an exotic love and passion like the mysteries that lay buried deep inside the unfathomable capacity of God's very existence? Or do we simply stay safely put... waiting for someone else to tell us what's out there, what they see, how it feels, and if it's really worth it?
I was there, but I became hungry. I became so hungry for the depths that I had to see for myself. We are all beckoned to this place, but not all will decide to go... for whatever reason. For those who do go... don't count on them coming back. Sure they may send you messages in a bottle telling you of the massive love they are encountering... and possibly sharing of some of their lonely times as well. The truth is... nothing can come close to comparing to what God has in store for us when we completely abandon everything at the shore and dive into the great majesty of who He really is.
I'm reminded of the old hymn: