I started to write a whole blog earlier on forgiveness... but now at 1:15 in the a.m. God decides to change it. I'm not even really sure where this is exactly going, but I do know that the turn of events the last 6 hours got my brain moving in another direction. You may sense some pain in my words, confusion in my thoughts.... or uncertainty. Just know that I am on a journey today. A journey to seek His face and heart for answers rather than relying solely on those around me I depend on the most.
The time for me to leave this country again is getting nearer. Like always... I don't feel ready. My heart is aching at the thought of leaving my family; I so long for consistency. With my missional lifestyle things are constantly changing. This has it's ups and downs for sure... my life is always exciting, but there isn't always someone there I love to share it with. I love to follow the Lord wherever He's leading, but I absolutely hate saying goodbye to those I care about the most. I like choosing with God where to go to next and what to do.... but sometimes I'm just ready to share my life with someone who will lead me. But the more needs I have, the more I must trust Him and the more God ALWAYS pulls through for me.
Every conversation I seemed to have today was deep, and the subject of conversation seemed to be about taking risks. All of us have the opportunities to take risks every day... and to me this just means, attempting things the world thinks is crazy or won't work. But there's a reason they call it "the upside down kingdom" that we live in. It's because God works so differently than the world. And guess what? God is the God of the impossible. Taking risks usually means going outside of our comfort zone too. Most of us would prefer to just stay right here, thank you! Believe me, I KNOW the feeling. I still fight that sometimes, even when I know where i'm supposed to go! All I know is that as much as my flesh cries out for attention, my spirit is the one that deserves all of it. The more we risk, the more we have to trust! Taking risks looks different for all of us... just keep listening for His whisper and stay obedient to where/what He's leading you to do :)
A friend of mine just showed me this video by Francis Chan I thought I'd share with you. I thought it was challenging and very encouraging :)
B90: (Jer 7- 17:27) "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." Jer 17:8