(day fifty-one) opens prison doors, sets the captives free

Today a friend of mine posted something about the West Memphis 3 trial. Immediately my mind went back to 1994 when it all went down. If you're unfamiliar with the story or newer to the area, it was quite a memorable event in this place. Three young teenagers convicted and sentenced to prison for a brutal murder. Whether they were guilty or not... the parents of the deceased needed someone to blame, the world needed someone judge, and the state needed someone to convict. It seems as though everyone had a strong opinion on what they thought, but the truth of the matter was no one REALLY knew what happened other than God and the ones that committed the crime.

Now... I'm not saying they are innocent or guilty. I'm just wondering if that's the REAL issue at stake here. When I heard that the WM3 (now grown adults) were being released from the courthouse in my hometown this morning, the journalist in me could NOT stay away from the action. When I arrived, I noticed many news vehicles surrounding the courthouse and police men galore! What was meant to be a peaceful little release party, suddenly turned into a pretty big ordeal with more attention that anticipated. Although there were a lot of people, it was strangely quiet. Everyone was standing still.... waiting. Many of them have been following this for years. I talked to a some who knew the boys, some who have researched this to death, and others who were just very interested in seeing justice served. To most of them justice was getting to see these innocent 3 released from being in prison almost 18 years for a crime they did not commit. We stood still quietly whispering among ourselves watching the doors for movement. About 30 minutes after I'd arrived the WM3 were officially released on probation.... they were finally free.

All day long my heart has been churning over this strange occurrence. On one hand, if the 3 are innocent... I weep over those lost years for them separated from loved ones, kept from the freedom to live life. On the other hand if they are guilty... I don't know... I still am saddened by the loss of life either way. Since the beginning of "the fall" in genesis we have lived in a world which acquired an atonement for sin. In the old testament animals were sacrificed. But in the new testament something happened. An innocent man took the blame and paid the price for ALL of us for the rest of time because of His love. When we see and understand what He really did for us we are overwhelmed by His love, captured by His story, and changed forever. So, no matter what REALLY happened that day in West Memphis back in 1994... my heart hurts. My heart aches for the pain and suffering in the world, my heart aches for the victims and victimizers, my heart aches for the hate, death, anger, vengeance, and injustice. We have an enemy who loves the stuff... and a God who sent His son to die and rise again to defeat that enemy with His love and win the worlds heart back.

Tonight as I was again researching the story I stumbled upon something that really hit me hard to the core.

Mark Byers, who's son was a victim of the West Memphis three killings, has supported the release of Jessie Misskelley, Damien Echols, and Jason Baldwin. "I want justice and I wanted the three of them to be free, and I have no hard feelings against the three. I have love and empathy and sympathy for the family, who I've made amends to. I'm looking for them today just to hug them. To let them know they have their child back. Maybe I can't have my child back, but they're going to get theirs," said Byers. "I think it's a terrible crime to be put in prison for a crime you didn't do, and you have to admit to a crime you didn't do on a plea bargain to get out of prison."

As I was reading this I had another thought. Jesus, who was completely innocent, died so that we would have freedom. How do we think God feels when we step back into the very prison He released us from? He wants us to be completely free. He wants us to have our childhood back. He's pleaded our case and won, now we must choose to step into the freedom that he "freely" gives or choose to walk with shackles keeping us from the life He desires for us to live in and with Him on this earth. If your life reflects that of the Father, others will see something in you that they want. They'll be drawn to the freedom you have, and all you have to do is point them to the truth and He'll do the rest. He's given you one life, now what are you gonna do with it? They may have been innocent boys in a physical prison for 18 years, but how long have we been in prison ourselves with the very keys to the door of our freedom?

B90: (Isaiah 26- 37:38) "Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him." Is 30:18

My prayer is that these boys turned men will have many divine appointments "outside the walls" with people who follow Jesus and can show them forgiveness, grace, love, kindness, and joy. I pray they will all come to know the GREATER freedom they can have in personally knowing their Creator. I pray that the physical symbol of their freedom today will release spiritual freedom across the state, the US and the world. Truth is- we all deserve death. But He paid the ultimate price so we didn't have to. Amen? Let's live it!

I'm reminded of one of my favorite childhood songs....

I've got a river of life flowing out of me
Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see
Opens prison doors, sets the captives free
I've got a river of live flowing out of me!

(day fifty) hurricane of love and miracles

I hope you don't mind another Ywam adventure story, but as I was reading today it came to mind. I'm gonna take you back to 2009 for this one... imagine yourself in the northernmost parts of India with me. Pretend for a second that you had been traveling for a few days to get there. Your modes of transportation included several airplane rides, a 10 hour "heated" train ride, and a few bumpy jeep rides another 6 or so hours up the mountain. By the time we reached the top we were pretty much ready to see the Lord in person... but He had other, not so attractive, plans in mind. As soon as we got out of our jeep (and kissed the ground) we were told we had to walk another mile or so- with ALL of our stuff. This included our 50 lb bags! (Oh my gosh... I'm getting tired just thinking about this again.) After winding down a very steep crooked staircase for another good bit, we FINALLY arrived!

The team crashed, but my co-leader and I began our duties. We were relieved to meet our laid back contact who was crazy about Jesus, but not so excited about what he was about to tell us. Something He forgot to mention ahead of time was that He was taking our team, the next day mind you, on another bumpy jeep ride another 7 hours or so to the boarder of Bhutan. I almost lost it. My very wise co-leader and I saw his heart for these people (through our exhaustion somehow) and knew that if we could make it there alive that God must certainly have BIG plans in store for us. And He sure did. Way bigger than we ever could have imagined.

On our way He told us that there were about 30 or so brand new Christians that didn't know anything about God other than His love and they needed us to teach them about His truth. We were basically running a typical 3 month discipleship school in 3 days. Crazy? Maybe. Possible? Always. Marcus, our contact, kept encouraging our team to ask God for more. He had seen a lot of miracles in this area and knew that something very awesome could happen.

So, one of the nights he decided to do a "game night." That particular evening my co-leader and I decided to stay back at the house for a little down time. We also had some details to work out for the next leg of our journey. Dinner time rolled around and we began to wonder where our team was. I went down to the church, heard some loud praying... and returned to the house. Still, hours went by and nothing. Finally at about midnight they came back full of energy and excitement! Not exactly what I expected to see. They were talking ninety to nothing about all of the miracles they just witnessed!! They saw a paraplegic man walk again, they saw people healed of sicknesses and diseases...everything! Their stories were simply amazing! This is something every missionary dreams of..... but wait, I was 500 feet away and missed the whole thing. Are you kidding me??? I came all this way around the world to see people healed and missed it!!!!!! In my head I was screaming, but on the outside I was trying to keep my cool and be happy for my team.

I quietly grabbed my co-leader and we went for a little walk. As soon as we got far enough away from the house we started to become angry at God for letting us miss such an opportunity like that! The more we selfishly huffed and puffed, the more our rotten attitude became quite evident. All the sudden God patiently said..."so you think this whole thing is about you?" Ouch. Then I felt Him ask me why I couldn't rejoice with my team for what HE did that night. Ouch again. To make a long story longer I learned several valuable lessons that night. One- it REALLY is all about Him. Two- it doesn't matter if you are actually there or not, we can still rejoice in what God is doing globally in and through people's lives! Three- it doesn't matter if I ever saw an actually healing because God is always healing things that we don't see, like the heart (which is way more valuable and eternal than our physical bodies anyhow).

As we sat there.... learning, we looked up into the sky and repented for our ugly pride. It was one of those "fear of God" moments when you suddenly see how small you are in comparison to how massive and amazing God actually is. We simply asked God to reveal His love again to us... so that we could continue to pour it out to our team and others that we would encounter on this trip. It was almost as if we had just been spanked and needed a big ole hug from our daddy to know He still loved us. Of course we knew He did, but just as we were finished praying it started thundering off in the distance. The storm seemed to be moving pretty fast so we got a move on. Right as we stepped onto the porch the sky opened up. I believe that we witnessed something close to a hurricane that night. As we were standing on our rickety little porch watching the palm trees bend completely over almost touching the ground, one of our favorite songs came to mind. A song by John Mark Mcmillan called "How He loves".

We sat there belting out the song with tears streaming down our face and the rain and wind circling us. I knew in that beautiful moment His fierce undying love for me.... for all of us. I knew that it wasn't about me at all... but that He took pleasure in using us and letting us be part of the blessing. I was overwhelmed by His love in this moment, I knew I would never be the same. Perfect love does not exist on this earth... but it does exist in Him. He is this love that we so desperately long for. Imagine for a minute what perfect love would look like and then times it by infinity. Know that in this moment... right now (even if you don't feel it) He loves YOU that much. He can't possibly love you any more than He does because He already loves you to the highest degree of love. Just sit and rest in this for a moment while you let these lyrics speak revelation into your heart.

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus :
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Chorus

The next day revival broke out in this village and hundreds of people were saved and healed. I've never seen anything like it in my entire life. We prayed for so many... and saw their lives completely changed. It was the coolest miracle shindig ever! The most humbling miracle of them all was this small boy that was deaf in both ears. I held my hands over his ears and began praying. As I did something strange started to happen. I told God to give him my hearing. I knew that at the very least God was healing something in this boy's heart (which was awesome) but I REALLY wanted him to hear. After a few minutes of praying I leaned over and whispered into the boy's ear, "Jesus loves you." The boy looked at me a little funny at first... and then repeated the words I had just told him the best way He could!!! Oh my goodness, I was amazed!!! I knew that God had not only healed those people that night, but He had truly healed me from my own pride and selfishness. What I would've missed out on if we had decided not to come on this trip! God is so so so good.

Today I experienced another miracle of my own I'd like to share with you. I received an email today from my travel agent telling me that I need to buy my ticket to new zealand tomorrow or the price would go dramatically up! As I began praying for a miracle, I told the Lord that it would have to be Him... because there was no possible way for me to come up with the money in one day. A few emails, phone calls and texts later... God provided every single penny I needed for that ticket through some unbelievably generous friends. I'm amazed, humbled, and honored to be apart of such a wonderful family in this kingdom of heaven on earth with such a good Dad who loves His kids like a hurricane.

B90: (Isaiah 10:14-25:12) "He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. It will be said on that day, "Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation."" Is. 25:8-9

(day forty-nine) letting go

Today I found myself roaming through some blogs from a few years ago. I stumbled upon this one, which seems to be a lesson I (we) never stop learning. It's one of letting go. Holding on to things implies several things... a few being ownership and control. If we can't let go of something it can be a clear indication that it actually controls you. I don't think this is our intention, but I do think it's our natural tendency. What we don't realize sometimes is that: a) it's not really ours to begin with, b) our Dad wants us to be completely free to love and be loved by him, and c) He's got something way better up His sleeve than what we're holding on to!

My sister was just telling me about the death grip my niece has already... and she's not even 2 yet!!! Beth, who is a grown adult, could hardly pry this thing from her daughter's hands. She's had to do this several times because of the "unsafe" things that she was holding/eating. hahaha. If it were up to Londyn, she'd probably be holding tight onto something 90% of the time. But its those desperate times she wants to be held when she instantly drops whatever it is and it quickly becomes non existent compared to the love she knows she's about to receive.

I'm also reminded of the story of "the pearls" my pastor tells: One time a Father gave his little girl a set of plastic pearls for her birthday. His daughter loved this necklace so much!!! She wore it everywhere she went, and she was so proud! One day her dad asked if He could have it back. Her immediate response was, "No daddy, I love these pearls!" He patiently said ok, but asked again a few days later. This time she began questioning her Father's love. "Why would you give me this and then take it away?" she asked. He simply replied, "trust me". It took a few more times of him asking. But finally one day she decided to trust her Father and let go of her prized possession. As he took the cheap made pearls and placed them in his pocket, he started digging around in the other one. Her eyes began to fill with tears as her Daddy placed a beautiful REAL pearl necklace around her neck.

Several years ago I found myself wrestling with a few things... one of them being my ongoing dream for my knight in shining armor to show up and whisk me off of my little feet and we'd live happily ever after. Ok, not EXACTLY like that (probably won't actually have armor on...hahaha). Anyway, I didn't even realize that the absence of the reality of this dream was bugging me. One night I was talking with a good friend of mine and he said that God was telling him to tell me to "let it go". Let it go? Let what go?? I was clueless as to what he (or God) was talking about.

Sometimes we don't think we are actually holding on to anything because we can't see it; and the reason we can't see it is because our hands are so tightly closed around it. Could it be the simple fact of letting go- of whatever it is- that pleases the Lord? If we can't give it up, it takes priority over Him and ownership in our lives. This can be very unhealthy... it can hold us back and keep us from living an abundant and free life.

So, I started asking God what this was that I needed to let go of and as soon as I began to open my hands I started to see what was inside of my death grip. Instead of trusting God for His will for my life, I was trusting myself (and failing miserably) with "my perfect little plan." And by perfect I mean: not even CLOSE to what He had in mind. My ten little fingers were woven tightly around this plan and I was having a VERY hard time letting God take control. I wanted SO badly for someone to love and pursue my heart that I guess I felt like I was going to have to make it happen somehow on my own.

This was a time in my life when I thought I was ready for that "next step". Besides that, the world had expectations... and I was not fulfilling them fast enough! Along the way... toward the next phase of my life, I had one eye on the Lord... and one eye searching for that love. I was welcoming any prospects that might come along (and almost willing to settle for the counterfeit, like the plastic pearls).

I also discovered that my destiny was not found in the pursuit of these things but in the pursuit of Him. I want HIS PLAN... abundant life in Him. I find more security in knowing things are safe in His hands and on His time table than mine. I know that when we let go... He's able to pick us up, place us in His arms, and give us way more than we could ever have imagined. He promises the REAL deal, and He delivers every time.

It's one of the most difficult places when you know what you are leaving behind... and your trying to have faith that what's ahead is better than what you've left. A lot of times we would rather stay where we are, holding on to what is comfortable because it's familiar (not because it's right). Fear of the unknown can hold us back. If we could only see what God had for us on the other side, we'd give everything up in a heartbeat. But instead we hold on to what we know... and in turn our deepest hearts desires are crushed. Part of us dies. We live our lives settling for what we understand and never grow.

I knew the time had come and I was finally ready. No matter how hard it was going to be to let go of this dream, I knew my Dad had something even better in store. That night I cried out to God and opened my hands to Him letting go of all I had been holding onto. I truly felt the love of God flow over me like He could finally hug me again. The next day I went to pick up chinese food for lunch and now I'm a believer that God can speak through ANYTHING.... even fortune cookies.

I cracked it open and this is what it said...
FRONT:Today is the day you let it go. Your chance will come.
BACK:learn chinese- boyfriend

Even more recently I was laying in bed praying before drifting off to never never land. I felt compelled to describe to God the perfect man. As I was spouting off all of his amazing qualities, I pictured myself walking down the beach with this man- but all I could see was his hand holding mine. In my vision we were laughing, running, loving and FREE. I had this feeling of being completely adored and romanced by someone. As soon as I was finished with my description... I could almost hear God say, "You just described my Son." At that very moment, in my vision, I looked up into His eyes and felt overwhelmingly loved and pursued by Jesus. Right then, as the tears began to roll... I knew that the man God was providing for me was going to be such a beautiful representation of Jesus on this earth. I sure do hope to meet him soon, but if I don't... I have every living day to fall more and more in love with my Savior!!! And this is the most beautiful love story of them all.

B90: (Song of Solomon 4- Isaiah 10:13) Right now I'm even more amazed at how fitting Song of Solomon is for this blog. Almost every person on earth can relate to this book in some way. We all desire love... true love; love that would die for us, love that will never end, love that is of no condition, love that never stops pursuing our hearts, love that describes every feature of our face, a love that brings out the very best in us!!! Some of us have sadly been abandoned or rejected by earthly love, therefore find it hard to trust another. But once we take just one tiny step in God's direction, He makes a b-line to us with this love that we can't explain. Read the whole book of Song of Solomon if you get a chance tonight. It's such a cool representation of His love for us :)

"Oh you who dwell in the gardens, with companions listening for your voice; let me heart it." Song of Solomon 8: 13

(day forty-eight) the world is watching

Justice and unity have been heavy on my heart the past couple of days. Every time I turn on the news or walk down the street I see acts of injustice and disunity. Most of my recent conversations have been about these very things. Sometimes it's subtle; like when a look of disappointment or disrespect is given because someone else didn't live up to their expectations. Or perhaps it's as evident as a homeless man passed by without a word of kindness or a look of acceptance. This world is FULL of victims of abuse, neglect, abandonment, rejection, judgment, and hatred. Every victimizer is one of them... and I wouldn't doubt you have probably been hurt once or twice in your life. As a believer, in the freedom of Christ, we can miraculously worship and love from a place of victory despite the pain. Why then do we often still judge others for being different, not believing "our truth", or living "worldly"; rather than LOVING them to the place of freedom? Jesus never had to "prove His point" to the worldly crowd, instead He lived the point of the very gospel He died for.

Sure the bible is very clear on sin- that it not only breaks the heart of our Father but exposes us to the ploy of the enemy. Jesus plainly teaches us to KNOW what is right and live according to the truth; but never ever does He tell us to build separate churches because we can't agree, or live on a certain side of town because it's too dangerous over there, or to only give homeless people money if we know they are buying food with it, or to not go into the bar because someone we know might see us, or to not build community with people outside the church, or to be RIGHT. We are to simply know what is true and live it. Why on earth can't we live out the gospel TOGETHER in unity with our community (christian and non)???

When I travel around the world with a team of 6-8 people we MUST have unity to make it. We are under all kinds of attack out there and the enemy loves to try and get us against each other. He knows that if He can break us apart, he can also destroy our representation of Christ to others. If family bound by the love of Jesus can't stay together, then what makes it real and appealing to the world? I always would say that it's more of an injustice for us to not treat each other with the up most respect and love than most of the stuff we were witnessing out there in the broken suffering world. It's time we get this right.

Can we forget about "being right" for a moment and come together for a greater cause? I truly believe, that if we CAN (with His power of course), we will not only see revolution in the body of Christ becoming unified but true revival across the world. Everyone is watching us. They all have their reasons for staying at arms length from the church. (Sadly the world sees more of what we don't believe in rather than what we do). Let's not give them one more reason to run away, but show them every reason to run fast towards the One person that loves them more than anything else in the world.... Jesus.

Tonight I saw the movie "The Help" with the women of my family. You better believe it was an emotional roller coaster. I laughed, I cried, and at times wanted to punch someone. Wouldn't you know that the very themes I caught from the film were justice and unity? I tearfully watched black maids being stepped on, talked down to, disrespected, and dishonored. I shamefully witnessed white folk victimize these women and sadly realized the same women had been loved poorly themselves somewhere along the line. You see, there is only one enemy and he will do everything possible to tear God's children apart; Christian brothers, different colors, and separate statuses. Here's the thing: to God every human being matters. If we believe He created them, they matter. YOU matter. It doesn't make a difference to God if someone is wealthy, poor, black, white, homeless, crazy, sick, healthy, or wrong. He cares about them all, He cares about us all... HE is the one who makes us righteous, not us being right. He's not intimidated by our journey, but He loves us through it. OH GOD, that we would begin to see the world through YOUR eyes!!!!

There was something special about the black church community in the film. EVEN though they were the ones that were being treated poorly, they were being taught to LOVE the very person that hated them because of their victory in Christ!!! They learned that God is the one who ultimately will defend them and presently care for them. There was unity among their community because they knew the truth and lived it. These people gave me a new passion for injustice- to bind up the enemy, love the brokenhearted, and to see REAL freedom in peoples lives! They reminded me again that EVERY single person matters to God and should to each and every one of us; no matter where they came from or where we think they are going.

Yesterday I had a friend give me the book "The gospel according to Jesus" by Chris Seay. I picked it up for the first time tonight and read this quote by him: "The reason we are not living in the light of life that real Christianity ignites is that we have ignored, distorted, and misunderstood the gospel according to Jesus....We have a problem, and we must look again at the teachings of Jesus and seek the truth with our lives. Correcting our misguided assumptions is meaningless if we do not hold this truth in the forefront of our hearts, minds, and lives. What Jesus was saying was that... righteousness was not just about tallying our rights and wrongs, but about a way of life in which people were called to justice and mercy and holiness all at the same time."

I see inspiration in these words. I see determination in my friend who drove all the way to Florida last week to read a book to a girl who would never understand it and would die the very next day.... all according to the gospel of Christ. I see hope because of my mom who answered a phone call from a women today who is trying to escape a life of slavery. She loved on her and prayed for her... all according to the gospel of Christ. I see justice when I watch my friends travel across the globe to defend the poor, heal the sick, and feed the hungry...all according to the gospel of Christ. I see fearlessness when I listen to stories of those who go into bars and clubs every night to sit and listen to the pain and bring light and hope.... all according to the gospel of Christ. I see unity when 3 churches come together in Jonesboro to worship the same God in the basement of a friend's house... all according to the gospel of Christ. What is God's heart prompting your heart to do with His gospel?

B90: (Proverbs 29-Song of Solomon 3:11) Tonight I think it'd be cool to focus on one of my favorite passages. When you meditate on something it's good to read it several times slowly, then sit and reflect on it. I like to ask the Lord what He's trying to say to me through the passage personally, and at the same time look at what He was saying pertaining to that specific time. It's so good to take time to look deeper in the mysteries of the word for ourselves. I pray that, no matter what part of YOUR journey you are on, God will speak to you plainly through His word tonight and you will walk away with a new treasure to give away freely to the world who so desperately needs His love.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." Eccl. 3:1-8

The injustice of an innocent man dying for the sins of the world was an act of justice because of His love FOR the broken and suffering world. Unity begins with what we find in His arms. He rescues us and gives us freedom not because He has to, but because He loves us. Rest in the truthful words of this beautiful song... let it flow over you like a peaceful river.

(day forty-seven) it's just the tip of the iceberg

If you read yesterday's blog, this one is probably going to be a continuation; Part II if you will :) Today, as I visited with my chiropractor she began to explain that weirdness on my hip I mentioned in "better out than in". It seemed to all make sense when she started speaking. It placed even more clarification and confirmation on what I was feeling led to write about last night. Basically, when there is a problem under the surface our body shows us some sort of physical sign so that we will be clued in to what's going on inside. Our "symptoms" are usually not the problem itself, but unfortunately we live in a society that just wants to treat those things rather than dig for the root of it all. So when we experience fever, sweats, swellings, headaches, etc... our body is calling out for help and it's trying to fight off something for us that we cannot see. Our body is a wonderful thing. And the One who created it is the most amazing architect and designer in the heavens and the earth.

What I'm learning as these things are revealed to me is the responsibility to do "our part". He's already created our bodies so that they could heal themselves if we are excellent stewards of it. This is a miracle that was set in motion from the beginning of time. Now that we live in a fallen earth our bodies are also decaying, but I do believe that we CAN improve our quality of life by treating it the way He intended the best we can. Of course there is grace and we can not do things perfectly... but we can respect what He's given us. We can rejoice that we will be completely restored one day, but until then I truly believe God wants us to live our lives as if it is worthy of living... or else He wouldn't have paid so much for it, right?

I really think this goes for all areas of our life. What are we allowing in our minds through our eyes and ears? What are we actually pondering- that the enemy has whispered to us? What negative emotions are we still holding on to (that are causing us more harm than anyone else)? What does the fruit in our life look/taste like? If there is something rotten coming to the surface... what is really underneath that needs to come out?

So today as I was sitting in the chiropractor's office and she was doing some cool laser thing that was killing the root of my little problem, I looked up to see this poster:
I've seen this picture before and as frightening as it looks I absolutely love it! Most of the time we just get to see the tip of the iceberg from our perspective, but God sees the whole shabang! Whenever I used to do something I knew was not pleasing to the Lord I would always say, "well, God knows my heart." And that's very true. He knows how evil and gross our heart can be. Yet He loves us anyway. That's the real miracle. There is SO MUCH that happens under the surface that we just can't see, but THANKFULLY we serve a God that wants to go to the depths with us so that we CAN be freed from all of those things that enslave us. No matter how much it may scare us, we MUST be willing to trust God and let Him heal these places in each of our lives. If we are not willing, then perhaps we need a re-evaluation of the cross and what it means to us- REALLY. Life is too dang short to simply survive and barely keep our head above water... He wants us to THRIVE out in those great waters. He wants others in the world to see that He IS a healing, providing, loving, creative, exciting, fun, adventurous Dad who delights in His kids. That testimony is lived out through us. If we truly allow Him to do His work in our lives (no matter who we are), there is no possible way anyone could see God as lame, boring, powerless, or hateful. How do we represent Him? Are we in love yet?

Tonight at dinner I was discussing all of this with my parents. My dad, being the amazing builder he is, said that this is so much like a house. If you have a problem, you HAVE to get to the root of it or the house will eventually rot from the inside out. If you have a leak you can't just cover it up. The leak will only get worse and cause more problems (not to mention the smell!! yuck). I don't know about you, but I want my house (body/temple) to be a pleasant place for the Holy Spirit to live. I also want it to be a place where others can rest and find His beautiful majestic love.

Clean out our rusty pipes Lord! Let us be an unpolluted vessel for you so others are getting the purest form of who you are... not some tainted version! Amen :)

B90: (Proverbs 15:17-28:28) Proverbs is quite an amazing book. There are so many golden nuggets in there that can speak volumes of truth into our lives. Here is one in particular i'm fond of. As you read it imagine the God of the universe saying this directly to you, His beloved child.

"My son (or daughter), if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right. Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Hear, my son (or daughter) and be wise, and direct your heart in the way." Prov. 23: 15-19

The eyes of our heart are so eager to see and accept counterfeit when it is starving for love. The counterfeit eventually makes us blind to the real thing that has pursued our hearts since the beginning of time. As we let the Creator destroy the roots of counterfeit, He replaces it with something priceless and our hearts will starve no more.

(day forty-six) better out than in

TODAY was beautiful. Not only was the weather incredible... but i got to spend some time with amazing people, got to jump around and praise our king, got to hear pastor dan talk about what it REALLY means to BE the church, ran into some friends I haven't seen in years, kissed on lots of babies, rode around on my friend's scooter, read my chapters at the park, fell asleep on a picnic table at the park, then enjoyed some time with the two people who raised me. Life is good.

On another note, I've been dealing with this weird growth on my hip. Not really sure what to call it... Bertha perhaps? Hmmm.... Anyway, it's one of those weird/kinda gross/awesome things I thought I'd humbly share with you. Why?? Well because A) you're basically family now B) i like to be vulnerable i guess C) God is healing me with the help of natural medicine and prayer D) i pulled something spiritual from it of course! haha.

I first noticed something slightly strange about 5 months ago. Looked like a bite at first then made a little knot under my skin. Well, that crazy little knot started growing. I'm not gonna lie... I would lay in bed at night picturing tiny bugs hatching from my skin like some horror movie. Have I grossed you out yet? Ok, it wasn't that bad... really. Although, i did have to put all my trust in God at this point. I guess it could have been anything. My brain would sometimes wonder, then I'd reel it back again to a neutral thought. I did go to the doctor after that and got no sign of emergency. But in a matter of just a few days it began to grow at an alarming rate and become really sore. The crazy thing is, I didn't even worry about it! God kept releasing this calming peace at the moments when I needed it the most.

My best guess at this point was that it was some sort of an weird infection (or alien baby). So, I did some research and bought a few natural remedies I thought might help. All the while I was giving it up to God daily. (Side note: thought it was very interesting that this inflamed sore thingy started showing up right as I finished the chapter of Job. Hmmmmm....)

One day I was telling a very wise friend about it and she said something I had never thought of. You see, there seemed to be something under the surface that wasn't supposed to be in there. And my cool body wanted it out. Over some time this toxic thing began to be pushed to the surface and it started getting ugly. But then I realized that I'd rather have it outside of my body than in it... so this whole ordeal was actually a good thing! It was my body's way of purifying itself. Wow!

My friend went on to say that it's just like when we have something in us that God wants to cleanse us from... like a lie we've believed or an "untreated" sin. Sometimes it may go unnoticed because of our busy lives, or maybe it gets avoided because we don't want to face it (or own up to it). When it's deep under the surface and still pretty small, it's harder to see from the outside. But if we are children of God, He wants us free from all that stuff. If we've given Him control, we've also given Him the authority to cleanse us. He naturally wants to get that stuff out... but so much of the time we fight it, ignore it, or call it something else. And if it goes "untreated" by Him, then it'll get real ugly real fast.

Sometimes I see the effects of sin (or lies believed) in someone's life when they act out in anger, rage, impatience, rudeness, sarcasm, control, or manipulation. Everything coming out has come from somewhere deep within. Most of the time it starts with us NOT believing the truth about God and ourselves (that we are BELOVED adopted kids). Then we believe some lies, roots grow, and we accept that's just how it is.... RATHER than living in the truth and freedom of what God says about us! So this whole affliction was partially to show me that He wants that crap out of us before it festers like a nasty thing for all the world to see! He wants all of us to be purified and cleansed by Him- our minds, bodies, and souls! He wants us to live and work and play in COMPLETE freedom! And wouldn't you know it.... my crazy hip bump is actually getting better!!!! Yahoooo God!

And if you thought this whole thing couldn't get any cooler... well, it does. Even Pastor Dan talked about it today! He said, "sometimes it's the things under the surface that we don't pay attention to that can destroy the surface." He also mentioned that we- the church- are the body... a living organism. And that we must have freedom and unity within the body to ever make a positive impact on this world for Christ. So now we can see how important it is on an individual AND collective level. God wants all of us so He can make us healthy, whole and free...without any nasty little infections that eat away at our soul.

Tonight, ask God if there's anything He would want to bring to the surface in your life so He can cleanse it and we can move forward in freedom. When He begins to bring something to your attention let Him do His job. Try your best not to focus on the thing, but to simply repent of whatever it is and begin declaring His goodness. Sometimes the process might be a little painful, but the joy and freedom that follows is so worth it!!! Just remember that we are in a constant process of sanctification so be patient with yourself and with God. With each "removal" is a new spot in your heart for God to reveal His love to you in a new, refreshing, and fulfilling way.

B90: (Proverbs1- 15:16) Talk more on Proverbs later :)

(day forty-five) posing the question of "rightness"

Hallelujah!!!! Half way through the 90 day extreme challenge!!!!! Even though it's been hard work at times, I'm loving every second and very excited about these new "healthy habits" being a part of my lifestyle foreeeeever. If you are doing a challenge.... great job, keep it up! If not, thank you so much for taking time to read and encourage me in this! I've truly been blessed by every single one of you :) If you have a cool testimony of how God has revealed His love to you or through you PLEASE share, I'd love to hear it!

Rather than writing a blog today about my perspective on something, I thought I'd pose a question. This question is something I've been rolling around in my head for quite some time now. I'm forming my own opinion based on the word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit as we speak. But this afternoon I'd really like us all to open our hearts, eyes, and minds to what God wants to say to each of us.... individually. I do think He's moving in a mighty way across our church body, but what is He saying to you?? Right now? Perhaps this question will lead to other questions which will lead to other thoughts and revelations. My prayer and hope is that you take this small challenge, apply it to your life, what watch for God to move. My guess is that as you seek Him, He'll reveal Himself to you in a new refreshing way. Then you'll be more than ready to go change the world with His love, one person at a time :)

What's the question you ask? It's more like a bundle of question(s), haha: How crucial is it, for Christians especially, to be right? Is it more important for our "rightness" to be known by others or shown to others? Can we live out the gospel effectively without "proving our point"? Is it our responsibility to defend the gospel? Is it possible for us to be "wrong" in our "right" because of our heart in the matter? In everything we do and say, are we revealing (and representing) the true character and nature of God?

I'll leave these questions for you to ponder, ask, seek, discuss, journal, and pray about. Please take a few minutes to watch this video. It's the second half of the one I showed you a few weeks ago. An amazing story of love that I think you'll enjoy :) Might even help you with your questions.

The Story of The Jesus Portrait from Resurrection Fellowship on Vimeo.

B90: (Psalm 119:81- 150:6) Enjoy the end of Psalm!!!