(day sixty) The case of toxic sin, poisonous pain, and the freedom of wholeness.

Yesterday I talked about how sin, if left alone (un-repented), can become toxic in every area of our lives. As soon as the apple was bit into and sin entered the world, so did toxins. Just like we've learned that toxic foods can poison our body, so can toxic television poison our minds, toxic relationships poison our emotions, and toxic environments poison our souls; so can sin poison our spirit (as well as our mind, body and soul). These are all examples of course, but are you getting the picture?

Sadly, we live in a fallen world in fallen bodies with toxic things ALL AROUND. To be completely unharmed by any toxic things we'd have to live in a bubble I'm afraid. Even then you'd have to be careful what you were reading, watching, and who was visiting you! Ah!!! We will all be somehow affected by toxins in some way until the day we are taken home where sin is no longer present. Another thing that will no longer exist is pain. Pain is a result of this toxic world. Today I felt pain... and I witnessed pain all around me.

I prayed for a friend who has experienced agonizing pain in her neck and head for two years! There was a funeral at my church for a man my age who was murdered in his own home and left behind a young wife and 3 kids. Widespread pain. Another friend of mine has had a string of pain with sick family members, difficult relationships, heavy burdens from work, and an insurmountable stack of important decisions piling up. Someone else I know and just spoke with is taking on responsibilities she never would have expected for herself in this life. A close guy friend is feeling the weight and stress of his position in ministry. And my pain is hardly any comparison... but I'm feeling it physically and emotionally tonight. The list goes on and on.... and I have an inkling you could add to it with your own personal stories.

Pain is definitely a part of our lives. BUT so is beauty. It's hard for me to think that God wants pain for His children... because what loving dad does? Nevertheless, I'm constantly hearing that this or that was "God's will." Sure, we CAN and should always praise HIM despite our difficult circumstances so that He will get the most glory out of the situation.... but does He always cause the pain? I'm not so sure about that. Oh, He can definitely use the pain and birth something sooooo beautiful from it... but I think sometimes we give God credit for the bad stuff, when His desire is for our good. Now, on the other hand... allowed pain (like we read about in Job) can be also used for His glory and other times be blessings in disguise. I'm just questioning all sides of this argument so that you'll look closer with me at God's heart for His people and maybe find truth for yourself in all of this. Like I've said before: I NEVER want to take away or add to the gospel, only ponder the word in hopes of going deeper into the great mysteries of the Lord. I also NEVER want to undermine His authority, that would be dangerous ground to tread. What I do desire is to bring more light to His truth and heart for the world... in the midst of the pain and trouble.

Many moons ago when I was still sportin the headgear (don't laugh...) and my 89 pontiac sports car, my dad took me to my first driving test. Boy... was I nervous. This was my "big day", the gateway to maturity if you will. I was taking the opportunity to pass over my childish threshold into the unknown portal of adulthood. I had studied my brains out for this thing, and practiced hours with a very brave yet nervous family member gripping the seat next to me. Palms sweaty, I sat down and pushed through the written part equally as frightened of the driving section coming up. Afterward, I hopped in the car with the stern faced woman. I could feel her judging me with her left eye as we rolled out of the parking lot and carefully glided around the corner. At one point I forgot to use my blinker. This is something people forget every day in the "real world", and for some reason beyond my imagination I was punished for this and denied my driver's license. Teenage devastation at in it's finest hour. A few months later I was able to go back and prove that mean old lady wrong, thus my finally treading on uncharted grown-up territory... where freedom was just a steering wheel and gas tank away! It wasn't until just a few short years ago that my very own dad told me that he was the reason I didn't pass :( Are you kidding me right now?? He said the lady had told him my mistakes, and although she was going to pass me anyway... He told her not to because he thought I wasn't ready. I blamed this poor woman for years!!! Can you believe it?? So although I would have passed my butt in a second... Dad "allowed" this woman to flunk me and knew that it was for my best.

I know that God does know what we need better than we do... because He knows us better than we even know ourselves. I also believe that He has provided ways for us to be protected from this toxic world more than we think. First we must continue to believe in the POWER of God's healing hand. When we pray for someone, I truly believe that even if we don't see a physical miracle He's healing their heart in some way... and that's eternal! God also created fruits and vegetables and herbs that heal. I believe these are wonderful things He designed to protect us from some of the pain we endure. Did you know that we can actually change the way we feel, sometimes even the way we think... just by the foods that we eat??? It's pretty amazing how He created our bodies to work! Also, when we repent from sin... He is detoxing our bodies from something that will eventually poison us. He wants to cleanse us from negative emotions. Did you also know that fear, anger, and bitterness can all harm our physical bodies as well? I know we are barely scratching the surface here... but the more I research and the more I read His word... the more I see how it's all so connected!!!

Like I said... I know we can't keep every toxic thing from entering our mind, body, soul and spirit. But I do believe that He has given us the means to live as WHOLE as possible in this earth and be strong and healthy for Him while we are living. When I got sick a year ago with Dengue Fever I saw how right after my physical body crashed, my emotional followed. Soon after... my mental became weak and then my spiritual. I began to see how they all somehow supported one another and that each of those things were vital in my relationship to the Lord and my service to the world. I know that when I'm feeling great physically, I'm even more excited and passionate about serving and loving people. I also see how easy it is to focus on positive thoughts and how much energy I have to read the word and blog this much. Haha. When we are sick and/or feel crappy, it seems that everything looks gloomy and takes a back seat to the illness. There is no doubt that God can use those very moments to help us "be still and know".... but there are other (healthier) ways for us to rest and not even get to that point.

I pray that we, as a church, begin to see the importance of living whole lives. I pray that it's never what we look like on the outside, but what God is actually doing on the inside. It IS a temple of the Holy Spirit and if we honor our vessel in that way we will find that the life we've been given is such a beautiful gift worth treasuring. As we surrender ALL areas of our life to Him, and not just our "spiritual" side, He will take us to even greater heights and delight in us honoring Him with our whole selves! If we are good stewards with the temporary life He's given us, ours as well as others lives will be changed eternally! I'm telling you, it's been quite an adventure for me...an adventure that lasts a lifetime, but one well worth living.

B90: (Ezekiel 8- 21:32) Oh man oh man... yet another book i'm ready to hop out of. I'm telling you, the bible is not so much of an easy read (but i'm sure you already knew that). I've began to notice recently this "fear of God" rise up in me again. As you read through this stuff, it sure can kick you in the gut just hard enough to realize how freaking powerful and mighty God is. It's pretty humbling and will surely keep you on your knees. Nevertheless, God's faithfulness and love does come through in moments of these dreary but honest books.

Just last night I was reading in one of my "food and healing" books about fevers. Basically it was explaining how for many many years now our medical community has told us that a fever is bad and needs to be broken. But after much research, the high temperatures in the body are actually it's way of killing bacteria. You see, the bacteria can not possibly survive at those high temperatures... therefore our body is doing us a much needed and urgent favor. (Yet another amazing design in God's plan for our bodies). Although it can be painful or annoying to deal with, our fever is supposed to break on it's own when it is finished with it's job. Unfortunately, when we break it ourselves with medicine of some sort... the book so eloquently puts it "we kill the cleaning lady before she's finished her job" and the leftover bacteria scatter throughout the body. Each time we do this bacteria is dispersed and eventually we will have a much bigger problem on our hands. The key is to build up your body's immunity so that bacteria can not even find a place to take hold when it's introduced to your body. But when fever occurs, it's actually helping us. Some will not agree with this at all, and that's ok... but I choose to believe that God designed our bodies to work in tune with us and not against us ( "if" we treat it properly).

Again, something like this reminds me how something a little annoying and slightly painful can be a good thing sometimes. The high fever, which we may see as a negative... could very well be a positive thing that fights off the bad stuff. After trudging through Ezekiel and all of it's "condemnations", I got to the end of chapter 18 and saw something I hadn't before.

In verse 25 The Lord is speaking to the house of Israel who has said He is not just to which He replies "Is my way not just? Is it not your ways that are not just?" He goes on to say that when a righteous person does injustice he shall die, and when a wicked person turns away and does what is just he shall live. Read on down through the following passages paying close attention at the His last few sentences here. "Cast away from you all the transgressions that you have committed, and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel. For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Lord God; so TURN and LIVE."

He makes it clear at this point that what He does judge is the sin... the sin is what He hates. He takes no pleasure in the death of those He created (or the sickness for that matter). He DOES take pleasure in seeing us choose LIFE, His intention and desire for all of us. God deeply cares for each and every child of His and I truly believe He wants us to be as free from toxins and sin as we can be on this earth; so we can live fully in His freedom and joy, resting in His grace and faithfulness, and trusting in His word and truth.

(day fifty nine) Who's your daddy?

This afternoon my pops and I took a little trip to the park and played a few rounds of bocce ball. It was a chance for us to get our mind off of our present moment troubles and focus on a mildly effortless game. Neither of us care too much about who wins, we were just enjoying the beautiful evening and pleasant company. As I mentioned yesterday I am very blessed to have a father who is humble in his imperfections, selfless in his time, and who sees my mistakes and failures as an opportunity for me to learn and grow. Although we've had our moments and our disagreements, He's truly an inspiration to me in so many ways and helps me see that there is a Father who loves us even more than my own dad is capable.

After our little game of bocce I sat by the lake enjoying the stillness of the water and the brilliance of the sun. I heard a father and his child conversing as they reached the shore. The first thing the girl wanted to do was take her shoes off and jump in, but her dad denied her of that freedom. Then she wanted to run and he told her to slow down. After that she started to play, but he just verbalized his annoyance and wanted to leave. Although it was a sweet gesture bringing her to this captivating place, he seemed as though he cared not for her happiness. I just kept thinking about how she might view God as she gets older. Will she see Him for who He truly is, or will the only representation of a father she knows skew her picture of God's great love?

I've had many conversations with people about their up-bringing. Some adults see the connection between how they were raised and how they now view God, but some don't. Even the ones that do have to sort through so many past emotions that it can sometimes be quite exhausting. Some of you have been abused, forgotten, abandoned, rejected, or mistreated by your own dads. It wouldn't be a surprise if you were afraid God might do the same one day. We don't always realize that our false accusation of God, sometimes completely unintentional, can be detrimental to that relationship. It can actually cause us to hold back from God- not fully trusting, or it can even keep us from living in the freedom of His abounding love and walking in His truth. He so desperately wants us to KNOW who He really is by His living word and the miracle of His heart captivating ours. God wants to banish the lies that we've believed about who we think He is and heal those broken places. We can't forget that we are "adopted kids" meaning HE CHOSE US. Hard to believe sometimes I know.... but He did. I want to remind you that He will not forget you, forsake you, abandon you, reject you or mistreat you. You are safe in His care.

I encourage everyone to pray into this a little bit. What are some lies you may have believed about God because of ways you have been treated poorly on this earth. One thing God knows how to do right that many humans get wrong, is how to love us well. After you've walked through some of your past it could feel a somewhat heavy or burdensome. At this point remember to release those lies and negative emotions to God asking Him to break off anything that is not His truth about who you are in Him and who He is to you. Forgiveness will bring a whole new level of freedom in your life. Also, go back and read (day thirty-three) heart doc: the hand that holds and heals as a refresher for what God says about you, His child.

So, I'm not exactly sure if this is a call to all men to be a proper representation of Christ to your families... or for all mankind to see God for how God wants us to see Him. Regardless, when we do see the truth- nothing can keep us from praising Him. I recently ran across this short clip on someone's facebook wall and now feel I should share this timely and motivating message with you! Who really is our daddy?

B90: (Lamentations 1- Ezekiel 7:27) Gosh, it really is tough to see the good parts of God as you're reading through these books. I have a little theory that was revealed to me today in an analogy that may only bring up more questions for you. For me, it is a picture to help explain these sticky parts in the bible we just wanna toss. Since I haven't done extensive research finding biblical truths to support it, then I will probably just ask a lot of questions. I'm going to attempt to simplify this, so bear with me.

I felt the sun bearing down on me today as I was reading these very chapters on the back porch several hours ago. I absolutely LOVE the sun. I can sit for hours and be completely satisfied. I love the warmth, the brightness, and even that thing it does to my soul that makes it happy. Then I started thinking of all the warnings people heed about it's deadly rays, skin cancer and such. This doesn't make me love the sun any less, but it does confuse me as to why something so wonderful could be so damaging and unkind. Then I realized that the sun had not always been dubbed as the skin hater. It seems (by most folk) that our toxic world is thinning the very thing created to protect us from the power of the sun.

Let's travel back to Eden for a moment, shall we? If God's intentions for us humans were to live in Eden and not eat of the apple (in my opinion the very first toxin that ever effected our world), but to live in perfect harmony and freedom with Him... then the ozone would have stayed intact and the sun would never harm us. Nevertheless, we know how the story goes... they took a bite, the fall of the world began, and sin began to infuse the perfect earth with it's toxic reputation.

Carefully taking this a step further: I wonder how much this might relate to our powerful and mighty God. We want to only see the good, believe the good, and explain the good of God. The moment something terrible happens, many questions arise that we sometimes can't answer. Our faith tells us that God is worthy of our praise no matter of the situation. But our mind can become a tad confused and a little bit frightened at times. Is it possible that the sin in the world has (in a sense) eaten away at the "ozone layer" that now reveals all of who God is. So- like the sun- instead of us only seeing the warm fluffy stuff we now have to see the just/righteous/judgment part of God's character as well? I could be totally off, and rightly so... I'm posing some pretty "out there" questions. I would just like to explore the possibility of this analogy in a safe environment... that's all :) "If" the Eden Fam (A & E) hadn't taken a bite of that apple, I have to wonder if we would have ever seen the"just" side of God (the hard parts we can't explain)? I'm proposing there would be no need to since there was no sin before the bite... but i'm just curious as to how this might help us see God in a clearer light I suppose. This is why it is crucial that we know the word of God and ALL that it says/reveals about Him. I'm very good at translating the love of God to an audience of one or a thousand, but find it a little more difficult explaining His love in a tragic situation. We must always keep a healthy fear of God, but remember in the same moment what His very son did for us... and covers us with His blood that protects us from those powerful rays. He desires for us to soak up every ounce of His son and never forget what a loving Dad He is.

If you have not read Lamentations in awhile, it would be proper research for this blog. If you do, pay close attention to Chapter 3:20-41. I'd be interested if you see it through new eyes with a clearer picture of God's character or not. Anyhow, feedback is awesome... I wanna know what is going on in the heads and hearts of all of you! Again, I apologize if this complicated things for you... my hope is that it will challenge all of us to go deeper in His word and seek His face even more! Email me if you have any thoughts, questions, disagreements, or prayer requests... I want His truth to be represented more than anything. lindsey_little@hotmail.com

(day fifty-seven & eight) Alongside the Architect

Ever since I was a kid my dad was bringing me on to the job site. My sister and I got to watch a plot of land go from grass to home. It probably wasn't the safest play ground in the world, but we sure did learn a lot. At first, dad would give us little things to do like painting, caulking and hammering. But before long we were learning how to put siding and roofing onto a house. No matter how small and mundane the job or even how intense, we were able to be a part of the process. This beautiful evolution took place of something being created for a much bigger purpose than our childish efforts. There was so much satisfaction in seeing the whole thing completed knowing that we had a part in it, no matter how insignificant we thought it may have been. Being the amazing dad that he is... we always walked away with as much ownership over the project as he did. He got so much delight out of watching his kids work along side of him, working for a greater cause than ourselves, and being able to stand back and enjoy the finished product as a family.

I'm sure there were times my dad could have accomplished the job much faster (or better) without us. I'm also pretty sure there were times we slowed him down or even frustrated him a little with all of our questions and complaining. Sometimes we would mess up, but before we could even get upset about it dad was there to clean it up and show us a better way. The thing dad probably hated the most was when my sis and I got into it. He would simply teach us that if we worked together on things, we'd be able to get more done and do a better job (not to mention a more pleasant work environment for everyone, haha). We made friends with the electricians, the plumbers, and whoever else dad needed to hire. All of these people became family. Individually we did what we knew to do and collectively we built a house, from the ground up.

Dad had the right tool for every job he asked us to do. If we didn't know how to do it, he'd teach us. We had learned a plethora of invaluable skills as a kid before we could even write in cursive. Not only have these trades come in handy, but so had our ability to believe in ourselves and others. One of the most priceless things he taught us was how irreplaceable we were to him; no matter how much we may have messed up, argued, or complained. He loved us. And no matter how we got through the journey, we got through it with him. He was ALWAYS there. He may not have been in the same room, but he never left the house without us. Dad knew we would fail at times, but he never once treated us like a failure... rather he taught us how to walk out of that in the freedom of his love with no guilt or shame. In fact, if we had always done things perfect... I'm not sure we would've known how much his love far outweighed performance and exceeded our human expectations of our little selves.

Just a few days ago I found myself vacuuming around the edge of a room at one of the houses my dad is currently remodeling. I felt my childish tendencies returning when I asked if he was REALLY needing this to be done or if he was just giving me a job to keep me busy. Then suddenly it hit me! Dad could always pay someone else to do exactly what i'm doing... so whether or not he's making up mundane assignments he just wants me in his presence!
I immediately started to tear up as I realized the magnitude of this revelation and the impact it was about to take on my life. All these years, dad just wanted to be with us and us with him. He wanted to show his love through the ups and downs of life, the success and failures, the mistakes and the beautiful finished products. He was always much more concerned with us knowing his heart than he was us learning specific skills. He knew we were most likely not going to grow up builders, but we were going to grow up. What better way to grow than in the constant care of a father who loved us so much that he would spend his life showing us.

So as I was vacuuming I was also pondering. Again the Lord was showing me that if my own earthly dad had this much love for some crazy kids, how much more He desired for us to know HIS own insane love for us! Then I began to see how much our life is like all those houses we built. Our heavenly Dad doesn't always worry about us messing up, becoming skilled, or the occasional complaint... He simply wants us in His presence (although I'm sure he'd rather do without the whining, haha). I'm beginning to see that His love for us far exceeds what job we are doing or how well we are doing it. It's all a journey, and He's not intimidated by how fast or perfect we live it. In fact, I'd be willing to bet He would LOVE for us to slow down from time to time and rest with Him. I don't think our mistakes bother Him as much as the lies we believe about ourselves afterward. Our shame, guilt and disappointment do not reveal His glory in the situation... but our utter dependence on Him does!

We've got to remember it's not a race to see who can build the bigger, fancier house before we die... but perhaps it's more about the time spent with the builder- the one who wrote the plans for your life in the first place. The one who cares about every step of the journey. We tend to miss some pretty amazing opportunities when we just focus on the end result. I mean, the end result is gonna be pretty fantastic... but there are so many who have not been shown how much the grand Architect adores all of His kids, even the messy ones :) When we realize how much grace He's bestowed on all of us, we can't help but bestow just as much grace on their journey. And how much more can we accomplish for His kingdom when we work so beautifully together.

So just like my own dad: our Father gets so much delight out of watching his kids work along side of him, work together, work for a greater cause than just ourselves, and being able to stand back and enjoy the finished product as a family. He's got every tool we need to do what He asks of us... but no matter what- YOU are irreplaceable to the Father. He is always there. And His love far outweighs our human nature to perform. He can accomplish exceedingly more in and through us when we are completely surrendered to His will for our lives. How much JOY He gets out of us being right by His side. His presence will make even the most boring mundane job worth every second. Our acceptance of His pursuit and desire to follow our love wherever He may go tend to result in a pretty fulfilling and very God-glorifying life.

B90: (Jeremiah 31- 52:34) If Jeremiah was a crayon in the box of prophets, I'd say he would be brown or black... probably closely tied with Isaiah. I mean, aren't these fellas are just a bundle of joy?? Hahaha. Ok, in all seriousness though. These books are harder than hades to read. I found myself trying to remember how much God really does love us when I'm enveloped in the lives and words of these crazy characters. And as much as I'd just love to throw these books out all together, it's a part of the WHOLE gospel. While I'm also reading "Erasing hell" by Francis Chan, I stumbled upon these interesting words by J.C. Ryle yesterday (quoted on a friends blog):

If you would ever be a healthy and scriptural Christian, I entreat you to beware of any ministry which does not plainly teach the reality and eternity of hell. Such a ministry may be soothing and pleasant, but it is far more likely to lull you to sleep than to lead you to Christ or build you up in the faith. It is impossible to leave out any portion of God’s truth without spoiling the whole. That preaching is sadly defective which dwells exclusively on the mercies of God and the joys of heaven and never sets forth the terrors of the Lord and the miseries of hell. It may be popular, but it is not scriptural; it may amuse and gratify, but it will not save. Give me the preaching which keeps back nothing that God has revealed.

And although I'm not even completely sure where I stand with this quote, I am sure of one thing. I am sure of kingdom that began with His love and will last forever in the freedom of that love. I know that I serve the God of this kingdom. I deeply desire that every single person on this earth will one day come to the revelation of His love and be rescued from a Godless eternity. What that all looks like, can any of us be sure?? As confusing as things can be in this world, we must always remember to invite Jesus into those moments with us. Anything that we could possibly go through on this earth... He has gone through to an even greater degree. We must trust in the one that was there before the foundations were even laid. He's got a plan and I wanna be a part of it!

(day fifty-six) Dancing in the rain

You ever have one of those "off days"? Seems like everything that happens around you is just plain weird, and you don't quite know how to respond to it? Well, I have those every now and then and today was one of them. Around 5 am I was dozing in and out of sleep as I hear this loud pounding of thunder right outside my window. All I could think was, "could somebody please turn off the lightning i'm trying to sleep here." Then later today I found out about four people murdered, two of whom have gone to our church. Although the rain had stopped, the storm continued...

All day long I've been troubled by some big decisions in my life. I know any decision in this case will be a good one, it's just one that's going to determine the next several years of my life. I have had cool job offers in the states, invitations to live long term in several countries, and opportunities to use my passions for the Lord anywhere in the world really. The possibilities are endless. But for a girl like me, this can sometimes be my hurdle. I suppose it draws me even closer to the throne of Christ, because I couldn't possibly make a decision without Him. I also know that sometimes He lets us make up our own mind if it aligns with His word and will for us. A large majority of the world is happy with being in one place for a really long time doing one particular thing... whereas I am happiest serving globally, learning how to do many things, broadening my horizons culturally, and meeting all kinds of people. Nevertheless, I do grow weary. Sometimes I envy those who are content or have been called to stay put, but other times I feel as though that might drive me a little crazy. I suppose the grass really is always greener on the other side.
But I also wreckin' the grass wouldn't be so green if it weren't for the rain and storms. Sometimes on "our side" of the fence we can peer through the cracks and suddenly feel discontent with the yard we're standing in. We often desire the good or attractive things about someone else's life, but discount the storm they walked through to get there. I know that God has a particular design for each of our lives, but I also know that sometimes we settle for less than His desire for us because we find a comfortable spot to set up camp. But then again, you may be someone who is taking extreme risks all the time... but can't seem to find the courage to commit to anything. This is a hard realization I'm beginning to discover about myself. There has got to be a balance, right?

Is it possible for us (and I know it must be).... to be a "risk taker", follow the Lord in complete abandonment, be sensitive to His calling for you and your family, be content with our "yard" (life) while always seeking more of Him, rejoicing in other peoples "yards" without becoming envious of their landscaping (hahaha), and not being judgmental or gossiping neighbors but living in true community wherever in the world you may find yourself? Loving each other's journey's, and letting God be our consistent factor.

As I had all of these big decisions swirling around in my head today not really knowing what to do with any of them... I found myself just wanting someone to tell me what to do. That would be sooooo much easier. Like a husband or a boss or something. Then I felt God say to me... "Linds, just focus on being my daughter today." This immediately took the pressure off as I let go of the stressful burdens squeezing my heart and let Him figure it all out.

As I began to sit and be a kid.... suddenly the "storms" seemed to become a playground. I remember when I was young how much we loved when it rained. My sister and I would get our bathing suits on and go outside and just dance around trying to catch each raindrop on our tongue. The beautiful summer rain was such a relief from the miserable heat of the sun. We equated rain with play time, appreciating every single drop.

As adults we run from the rain...we tend to shelter ourselves from the way it might alter our hair, makeup or clothing that day. We see it as more of an annoyance rather than a necessity for growth. Without storms, we'd always stay the same... and we would never be challenged for more. With them we have the opportunity for change, insight, wisdom, and growth. Who really wants a dull, boring, dry life with dead grass? Not me! I know it's hard when you're right in the middle of the storm... but we must push through to His promises knowing He's going to follow through. Don't forget, the rainbows (His promises) are always there... we just don't always see them unless the conditions are just right and it's time.

B90: (Jeremiah 18- 30:24) "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for WHOLENESS and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and f ind me. When you seek me with all our heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord. " Jer 29:11-13

He does have a plan and purpose for it all... for us all. I pray that even when we don't exactly see what that is, we will see our purpose to seek His face. As we seek Him, especially through the storms, His plan for you and the world will begin to be unveiled to you. We must also remember that it's not about us... it's about Him and only Him. We are so blessed to be able to be used by Him every day, and to have a real relationship with a God who loves us so very much. Quick... run outside and dance in the rain a little while. Remember what it's like to be a kid, not care about appearance and trust that God will completely take care of your needs and your future.

(day fifty-five) risky business

I started to write a whole blog earlier on forgiveness... but now at 1:15 in the a.m. God decides to change it. I'm not even really sure where this is exactly going, but I do know that the turn of events the last 6 hours got my brain moving in another direction. You may sense some pain in my words, confusion in my thoughts.... or uncertainty. Just know that I am on a journey today. A journey to seek His face and heart for answers rather than relying solely on those around me I depend on the most.

The time for me to leave this country again is getting nearer. Like always... I don't feel ready. My heart is aching at the thought of leaving my family; I so long for consistency. With my missional lifestyle things are constantly changing. This has it's ups and downs for sure... my life is always exciting, but there isn't always someone there I love to share it with. I love to follow the Lord wherever He's leading, but I absolutely hate saying goodbye to those I care about the most. I like choosing with God where to go to next and what to do.... but sometimes I'm just ready to share my life with someone who will lead me. But the more needs I have, the more I must trust Him and the more God ALWAYS pulls through for me.

Every conversation I seemed to have today was deep, and the subject of conversation seemed to be about taking risks. All of us have the opportunities to take risks every day... and to me this just means, attempting things the world thinks is crazy or won't work. But there's a reason they call it "the upside down kingdom" that we live in. It's because God works so differently than the world. And guess what? God is the God of the impossible. Taking risks usually means going outside of our comfort zone too. Most of us would prefer to just stay right here, thank you! Believe me, I KNOW the feeling. I still fight that sometimes, even when I know where i'm supposed to go! All I know is that as much as my flesh cries out for attention, my spirit is the one that deserves all of it. The more we risk, the more we have to trust! Taking risks looks different for all of us... just keep listening for His whisper and stay obedient to where/what He's leading you to do :)

A friend of mine just showed me this video by Francis Chan I thought I'd share with you. I thought it was challenging and very encouraging :)



B90: (Jer 7- 17:27) "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." Jer 17:8

(day fifty-three & four) victim to victory

So sorry folks about the "case of the missing blog" yesterday; we'll just make this one double the fun. Haha. I have to be honest with you and just say that this blogging thing is not easy. There are legitimate days when I physically can not write it, but there are other days when i frankly just don't want to. Many times i've just sucked it up and pushed through and those seem to be the most humbling days when God REALLY came through. I know without a doubt in those moments I alone could not have written anything of worth, it's only through Him that this is possible. He's the very one that brings value to every word or thought represented and I truly pray that His power moves in every line and love penetrates every heart! I do this for no other reason but to glorify Him with praise and adoration :)

With that said... Speaking of value and worth, Pastor Dan was on fire again yesterday at Journey Church. One of the things He mentioned is how when we find something that is of value to us, it brings everything else into perspective. That valuable object begins highlighting the things that are of real worth around you. Other things that are of less or no worth fall away. Letting go or laying down stuff for that particular thing of value is no longer sacrifice but suddenly becomes a beautiful investment. Dan likes to compare this to meeting his wife. He said that when he met her... all the things he thought were important faded away. She became the comparison for all other things. He fell in love and knew He'd follow her anywhere :)

In the same way Jesus calls us to follow Him. Something very cool happens when we do... we meet Him face to face. We begin to have love encounters with Christ. And...(for the sake of not sounding mushy) we REALLY do fall in love!!! If you have been resisting this love... i beg for you to let go and run into His arms. You will NEVER be the same again. If you feel like you've been asking for this love and just don't see it yet... keep pushing through! He is who He says He is and we are who He says we are... no matter what we "feel" about it. The feelings will come, but He's still worthy of our praise!!! And I do believe He wants to break down those walls of injustice and lies (from the enemy) so we can truly feel His breath of life, words of truth, and His heartbeat for each one of us.

When we see HIM as the object of greatest value and worth... all else fades. Our circumstances no longer control us. We find the freedom to fully live in His kingdom! We can walk in obedience and joy at the same time. We can be overly generous but lack nothing. We can be thrown under the bus by the world, but come out without a scratch. We can be rejected, hated, and abandoned.... but stand secure in our adoption as sons and daughters of the most High King! We can be cheated on, stepped on, stolen from... but don't have to be defeated, crushed, or broke. God is powerful, He's on our side.... and He's got plans for us in His plan! He wants to take us and all of who we are, and place us smack dab in the center of His big ole plan for the world. When He becomes (to us) the worthy being that He already IS, we become humbled, ecstatic, and eager to follow Him every step. Because it's ALL an adventure and it's all apart of your journey towards Him. We only have a little time on earth to glorify Him in our lack... and I want to point to Him every chance i get- ESPECIALLY when life gets hard.

Sometimes I call my friend just so I can hear his motivating voice mail. At the end of a cheery message he simply says, "Make it a great day!". I love this! I mean, really... we don't always have impeccable circumstance that surround us but we ALWAYS have the opportunity to choose. Today, I was fighting my flesh as I was driving to work. I kept thinking about all the other things I should have been doing. About half way there I just felt like God was telling me to choose my attitude like i chose what clothes i put on today. God honors us when we choose to honor Him. I walked in work and was completely blessed by all of the amazing conversations and hilarious endeavors. One of the guys who came up to the register actually said that very thing to me again (like God was trying to tell me something...haha), "Make it a great day!"

As we know, it is about the moment in every day. Enjoying it, praising Him in it, loving others, serving, etc etc. But it's also very much about the bigger picture. The more we place God as our valuable centerpiece... the more we find our worth wrapped up in Him and the value of others lives. And the more time we spend with Him, the more we see from His perspective; through His eyes. We finally begin to "get" His plan. This is when we choose whether or not we will keep doin our own thing, or take up His offer. He does give us the freedom to choose which ever we like. But I can promise you, NOTHING can beat what He has for us. Nothing! Now that I have tasted His presence and seen His power in my own life, I never want to waste another second! This is my prayer for you this very moment. That right now, these words will penetrate the deepest part of your being.... you will choose Him, and NEVER be the same again. His love is divine and will take you on the best (and most valuable) ride of your life. He wants to be our life. That is true life.


B90: (Isaiah 49:17- 63:19 & Is. 64- Jeremiah 6:30) Since I'm still slightly obsessed with the analogies that are coming from the recent release of the West Memphis 3... I was reading tonight about Peter Jackson's involvement in this case. Mr. Jackson has made a lot of incredible films including the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. When he was made aware of the case, He quickly became very active in fighting for justice for these boys he saw as innocent though most of the world and judicial system deemed unworthy of freedom. They sat for 18 years behind bars of shame, possible injustice, unforgiveness, and fear. Mr. Jackson helped pay the debt of the investigation leading up to their freedom.

Sometimes I wonder what bars we sit behind when we have already been given that choice of true freedom. Our debt has been completely paid yet we sit in cold cell full of shame, guilt, injustice, unforgiveness, and fear. We play victim when we could so easily claim victory. We don't exactly see this place when we choose to live there, but can almost guarantee we know the difference if we've ever tasted true freedom at all. If we haven't yet, then look around you... there are (or at least should be) examples of real freedom and joy in Him. This goes for people inside and outside of the church alike. Being inside a church does not make us free.... it's running after Him that does. Now, what happens when you have a bunch of free people worshiping Him as a church??? A lot of healin, shoutin, praisin, dancin, and lovin! That's what!

I love the part in Isaiah where the "Lord will say to the prisoners, 'Come out', to those who are in darkness, 'Appear.'" Is. 49: 9 Don't you think the God who created us is tired of coming to "visiting hours" and speaking to us through a glass wall? I know God is ALL-POWERFUL, but hear me out. Maybe this is the very reason we sometimes feel that there is something blocking that communication with our God?? Perhaps it's because He created us to be FREE (in a fallen world even) and we are letting ourselves be imprisoned by other things that have become more worthy than Him.

"Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." Is. 50:10

He believes in us... He no longer sees our guilt, but He's made us innocent by His blood. He paid of all our debt, there is no more need for an investigation of our case- we are free! It's time to walk in that freedom. I can almost promise that when you step out, God will become so much more REAL to you.

"Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion; put on your beautiful garments (take off those awful prison clothes).... Shake yourself from the dust and arise; be seated, O Jerusalem; loose the bonds from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. For the Lord says ' You were sold for nothing, and you shall be redeemed without money" Is 52: 1-3

Now... what exactly do we do with this new found freedom?

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, 'Your God reigns.'" Is 52:7

And you become hope and a beacon of light in the midst of tragedy and pain..." Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; BUT the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you. And the nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising." Is. 60: 1-3 (Keep in mind He's speaking to future Israel, but I still think it applies to us in this moment.)

We have an exciting responsibility in this freedom to see others who were in the same place we were and to speak life into their situation. We are to call out and break off the lies and injustice so they too can experience the freedom of Christ we now walk in. When we've been there, recognize it, and walk out of it.... we truly desire for others to know the Life that we now know.

"because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound." Is 61: 1 Amen!!!

"For I the Lord love justice; I hate robbery and wrong; I will faithfully give them their recompense, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them." Is 61: 8

And lastly... find rest and peace on your personal journey with Him. Where there is REAL love and trust there is no fear. "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls." Jer. 6:16

(day fifty-two) something beautiful

Whether they are guilty or innocent God only knows, but I can not get my mind off the West Memphis Three (mentioned in yesteday's blog). All day long I've been imagining what they must be doing today after 18 years of being in prison. What would I do after all that time of being locked up in a cell? After thinking for about 30 seconds I knew.... without a doubt I would go to the river. I would take my shoes off and walk on the rocks to feel the earth beneath my feet again, I would let the cool water flow through my fingers, I would listen to the wind dancing throughout the trees, I would observe every single color, shape, and smell; I would taste freedom.

The other night I started browsing through one of the guys old blog from solitary confinement. The scene he painted for his audience was at times very disturbing and uncomfortable. His words describing such a slavery felt like thorns in my own flesh as my heart ached on behalf of the pain he endured:

"I can vaguely remember life in what I call the real world. It seemed to be a chain of events that flowed one into another, not always seamlessly, but at least naturally. There is nothing natural about my current situation. Nothing flows or even moves without someone applying a tremendous amount of willpower to one of realities pressure points. Even then, it's like trying to keep a beach ball afloat just by blowing on it. Life without momentum is not truly life. A person needs movement, or they eventually begin to forget that they even exist."

When reading this one can clearly sense the feelings of abandonment, rejection, loneliness, fear, emptiness, and tremendous pain expressed. Gut wrenching pain took on so many faces for him in that cold emotionless place. His wounds were exposed in every way which caused affliction to be that much more visible as he honestly recounts every detail of discomfort.

Even in "the real world" we can experience some level of pain and slavery. And most of the time it's less visible. Internal affliction is difficult to handle on your own, but pretty easy to cover up. I've learned to look for external signs that reveal things going on deep inside a person's life... but often it's masked so well the world would never know. We all have the same freedom offered by the same price paid... but very few accept, believe and commit to this freedom and love. Even fewer live radical "kingdom" lives with Jesus on earth. I just wonder how many push pain down further because of fear. I wonder how many have actually started forgetting that they even exist (like echols), and have become numb to life in slavery?

God can and will (if we allow Him) turn our pain into something beautiful. He can use the very thing we tend to mask for His glory. He can turn ANY story completely around. He can take us off the path of destruction and onto the trail of true life. He can also use our victory in other people's lives so they too can learn to walk in complete freedom with Him. Where are your broken places? Do you believe God can make those places beautiful again? He's got you.

Today a friend of mine sent this video to me and I thought it fit nicely so I'd share it with you. It's another interesting perspective on this whole thing. I love to watch things that provoke me to think... and explore more of the mysteries of God! Enjoy :)

BROKEN IS BEAUTIFUL from PEOPLE OF THE SECOND CHANCE on Vimeo.